Not all of us are gorgeous movie stars, but when two of them become a couple they show which factors determine the interpersonal attraction that also works in our case, the earthlings. The major factors are: the physical attraction, the proximity, the familiarity and resemblance. Nevertheless, the high rate of divorces shows that these factors are not enough and all the time, the key factor is love.
The first criterion in a choosing a love partner is the physical attraction. For the great majority the idea that the looks determine how much we are liked by the others seems to be not so "democratic" because this is not something we can control, it is more like our genetic inheritance. Old studies show the beauty is not so important in picking out a partner, but it seems that things have changed in the last decades. Researchers found out that physical beauty is not important only for the first date, but also in the following ones and even in marriages. But why is physical beauty so important? One answer can be that our social reputation and our self-esteem are increased when we are together with a handsome companion. Fortunately, there is still hope for those of us who are not so pretty. According to a great number of psychologists the importance of physical beauty is diminished when choosing a permanent life partner.
The second influential factor is the so-called proximity. Studies carried by the well-known social psychologists Festinger, Schachter and Back have shown that the best predictor in showing whether two individuals will remain friends or not is the distance between the places where they live. Analyzing 5000 married couples from Philadelphia these scientists discovered that half of them where living at no more than 5 streets distance - before getting married. Some people who believe in miracles regarding issues of the hearts might think that out there, in the world is their special someone. But if this thing is true, a greater miracle is how frequently the "destiny" decides that our special love lives a few buildings away from ours.
Furthermore, the cause of the effect of proximity can be explained by this third factor: familiarity. The more we are exposed to one person the more we begin to like him or her and eventually develop a feeling of attraction towards that person. There are a lot of experiments which come in favor of this statement. One of them is the one conducted by Zajonc in which students were exposed to a series of photos containing faces. When asked which person they liked more, they chose the person in the most frequently exposed photograph. The message is clear: if you are not so pretty and the admiration you have for someone is not mutual, stay in the area. The proximity and familiarity are one of the strongest and easy to handle weapons you have!
There is a saying that opposites are attracted to one another, but facts have shown that this is not quite true. People use to say that one likes to swim and the other likes to ride horses, one is a teacher and the other is an engineer and they think these things make them so different. The truth is they are very much alike, they both like to have outdoor activities and they are both specialized, maybe they are both democratic, have the same religion, the same social class and the difference between them is maybe 3 years and 5 points at the IQ test. In addition, studies have shown that couples don't resemble only from the socio-metric point of view (age, race, religion, education), but they both share almost the same intelligence and they even look alike (same color of eyes or hair).
Even though we make use of these three factors most of the time is not enough. Not enough to start a relationship, not enough to continue it. The missing link is the good old LOVE. A relationship based only on physical attraction is not associated with longevity. The strongest bond between two people is and remains love, which leads to commitment, respect, fidelity and all those good things a relationship brings, such as joy and the expansion of self.
