An adolescent's life is often misunderstood and things can get a little rough when it comes to teenagers coping in a world where one is treated indifferently or in a toddler-like fashion. A teen can be impulsive, rebellious, even independent once they reach their late teens - we are no one to judge them or rebuke their natures. Adults often make dating a big no-no situation for a teenager, but we also have to understand that they are human too - it is inevitable for them to fall in love; have a crush on the boy next door; wish that girl/guy would look their way and most definitely, obsesses about that first kiss.
What about those who have a different take on relationships besides the usual face-to-face relationship? Like say long distance? Then what? What if you still want to date a boy/girl who was once in town and now isn't; or what if they were elsewhere and it sparked from a distance? How do you cope with keeping it intact and how do you know when to call it quits?
Teen Relationship Advice
For those experiencing a relationship that is close to home, that is, in the same vicinity as you are, here is a way of keeping things fresh.
Relationship Key Points
Every once in a while we hit that road block in a relationship, going a little berserk, ultimately losing grip on the situation. High school is a time when one is constantly busy with co-curricular activities, exams and project submissions. So how do you balance out your agenda to meet the needs of the one you're going out with?
- Work out a system at school where the two of you can spare a quick hello between classes. This way you can make small talk and plan on meeting later for lunch break. If you happen to be in different schools, then try working out a way to meet at a place and walk home together. This way you save on making a long phone call during your study time, eliminating that time to swap stories of each other's day.
- Know when to draw the line, especially during project and exam time. These crucial moments need your avid attention without being distracted by him/her. Plan out a time in the day when the two of you can take a breather and talk about how it's going. Keep it short and simple, without compromising on school work.
- Take turns spending time on the weekends with each other's friends, so that both of you do not feel out-of-place when one isn't familiar with the other's friends circle. Make him/her feel comfortable by keeping them involved in the group and not forgetting that he/she is taking time to know your side of the world.
- When one is in need of space it is important to give them breathing room. A teenager's life can be muddled up from time to time. Discuss the issue/problem when he/she wants to open up after having that thinking space. Do not pry or intrude if they need that time alone. It shows you are understanding and that you care, when you take a step back.
- Arguments are a factor in a relationship that you cannot dodge. Confronting them on the spot and solving them can make both of you part on peaceful terms. Apologize if it is genuinely your fault - do not let your ego overtake your sense of reason.
- Be supportive in what the other needs and wants out of you. Attend that play, soccer practice session, recital, competition or event that he/she is a part of. Encourage them to pursue what they're passionate about and do not let criticism bubble to the surface - if it is constructive, then word out your sentences with good intentions. Don't make it look like they chose to do the wrong thing or that they wouldn't do better if they tried again. Remember that it is imperative that you support them during their highs and lows.
- Make a note of his/her birthday in your calendar and keep a reminder pending to alert you when the big day arrives or even the day you two started dating. It allows both of you to bond in a way that grows as you two get older. Learning to appreciate the little things in a relationship goes a long way.
- Keep a tab on the things he/she says they like - keeping a mental note of these things will give you a good chance of buying what they will most definitely love and gush over about. Be thoughtful - putting a lot into a gift is a big way of letting the other know that you went through the trouble to get what they would love as opposed to what they could have liked.
- Surprise him/her on weekends, by doing things the other likes. Don't always restrict it to what you like to do. Give him/her a chance to suggest what to plan over the weekend, so that both are equally happy to spend quality time together. Keep the excitement going - it is what propels a relationship to not always be so serious and one-sided.
- The major issue that every teen is bound to ponder upon is - losing one's virginity. Take time out to discuss this big leap in the relationship. Make sure both are mutually comfortable about going all the way. If she wants to wait, respect her wishes. If a guy wants to wait (yes there are some gentlemen out there), let him take his time, because let's face it - you are worth the wait. Don't rush each other because he/she is testing the waters before making that big decision. If either of you is persistent in spite of the other wanting to wait it out, you will come off as desperate and pushy. Deciding when both are ready is when things get a little tense. Remember, this is your first time - stay protected and use the necessary precautions to avoid any accidents.
Debating on Whether a Long Distance Relationship is What You Need
When a relationship comes into play we look into how it started and where it took root. Maybe he/she was from the same area/town or maybe one of the two is now in another state/country. How are you when dealing with priorities of junior high/high school? Are you responsible and sensible with time management when things need to be done regarding family, friends and school? A long distance relationship can be confusing at first; difficult to handle; an absolute pain and possibly the one thing you wish you could crush underfoot. That may be the opinions of some, but there are ways around it. Ask yourself - is this what I want? Is this guy/girl worth the trouble? If you can sort out these nagging questions, you can then worry about how to make it work, ignoring negativity that tends to permeate from all around.
Communication Factors
We live in a century where communication is one's survival kit. The Internet, telephone, cell phone, pager and so on are major communication portals that enable one to virtually reach someone at a distance on a less proximate level but nonetheless somehow bridging that gap to keep the connection going. In a LDR (long distance relationship), it is easy to reach out across the distance and form a bond that is both meaningful and real. To eliminate the possibility of drifting, staying in touch is of great importance. Proximity in a relationship is easier done but when far apart it calls for more attention to keep that contact basis going. The best ways to keep in touch are:
- Call often; if not everyday at least make it a point to do so once every week. Allow the other person to not only read what you have to say, but also to hear it out loud causing the distance to seem less wide.
- SMS/text message on an average of 2 times a day to keep a back and forth detail-swapping session going, to know what the other is up to. That way you also know where he/she is and accordingly can plan out when to keep in touch when he/she is conveniently free.
- Emailing is an option when one isn't free to log on to the web for a chat session; it is a detailed way of letting the other know what happened throughout the day, in order to fill him/her in about things you didn't have a chance to chat/SMS about. Limit it to times when either of you are unavailable due to reasons like low credit on your cell phone or being too busy to make it for the chat session due to personal reasons, whatever they may be.
- Webcam conferencing is a great way to see each other on a virtual platform - get a microphone enabled headset, where you can converse with him/her, and pretend like you two are meeting and speaking to each other face-to-face. It builds a comforting link to be able to see the other, when distance is a major factor.
- Take time out to plan holidays at each other's hometowns; ask your parents if they are willing to send you off to visit him or maybe he can come visit when it's spring break/the festive holiday season. Remember; being open and honest about a guy/girl in your life makes things less complicated. Seeking help from your parents can be calming when pressure arises in a long distance relationship.
You may feel the burdening pressure of either your parents/faculty members/friends about how you aren't focused - how you have no time to spend with them - how your grades are faltering - how you're constantly late for school because you're up at night either managing the time difference or glued to your laptop because he/she needs your time. If this is the case, you need to compartmentalize your schedule in order to make it work with those around you as well as for your distant love. Listen to what others have to say. It is valuable that you let those comments stick - work on how to better the situation and come up with a routine with him/her that doesn't make you compromise on what needs to be attended to first. Don't let pressure get the best of you. It only shows that people care and want to help out. Do not be afraid to ask/seek relationship advice from others in similar situations especially advice from an elder brother or sister who knows better. Bottom line is to not let the pressure beat you to a pulp.
Dealing with Arguments and Misunderstandings
You are bound to have constant squabbles with him/her, the best way is to talk it out rationally either on the phone or through the Internet. Make time to sort out what is needed from each other and work at issues like faltering communication or a widening gap between the two of you. Ask yourself, what is it that the other person lacks, and approach the subject with an understanding first - do not put forward assumptions that will cause the other to lash out at you. Hear each other out and come to terms with what is wrong and needs attention. Listening is a key factor - do not abruptly end the conversation without settling matters for it only worsens the fight, thus causing an ugly rift.
Relationship issues are a common feature for anyone involved with someone. It needs work, especially when the other is not in the same place as you are. Remember that you have a choice at the end of the day to either make it work or walk away. Common problems that arise are, depression, anxiety and a hampering of one's ability to find order within the chaos in one's life. You are still young and have all the time in the world to get serious and committed. Focus on important things like family and friends. If you happen to be in a long distance relationship, be prepared on making it work. All this advice can be quite unnerving and stressful; nothing to be alarmed of - just make sure you're doing the right thing and that he/she is worth all the trouble you put yourself through.
