Of late, some serious issues have been interfering with your "lived happily ever after" concept of marriage? OK, relax and take a deep breath. Relationships are such that they may often trouble you to the core. And that is the challenge. The troubles that you experience may have some hidden purpose. Precisely said, to teach you, to help you grow and let you evolve as a human being. OK, I understand you're still cribbing on my idealistic statement about relationships. I know grapes are sour but then you're here, reading this write up and that shows your deep driving inherent desire to seriously lead a richer love life. So, let's be optimistic and work out to make your relationship just like it used to be- enthusiastic and full of life. Here, I'm taking a quantum leap by not discussing how and why your relationship has got boring. Maybe it's due to an emotional distance between you and your partner, maybe due to dull sex life or maybe due to any other issues. What I find more rational and logical is to make you aware of some timeless principles of recharging your love life as that may help you significantly.
Here are some pages of the personal diary of a couple (don't ask, from where I got it, as if it matters. Still, if you want to know, well, I stole it!!). C'mon focus on few things written in these pages, to gain more insights.
Him: I still remember the day when I started to fall for you, mesmerized by your presence, your smell, your enigmatic eyes and the laughter like tinkling bells, that eventually swept me off my feet. Your gentle touches, your sense of humor, assertiveness and ability to create life around me, all made me yours, and then some more. I still reminisce the first kiss, we shared. Slow, but with intent, soft and supple at the same time, passionate and yet full of warmth (wow!). Waiting for you, for your calls and your messages was always my favorite pastime. Waiting has some spiritual connotation, they say so. I agree to them. After meeting you I knew, how irresistible it is, to fall in love with you, at least for me...
Her: When you first met me (I remember, near the coffee house just round the corner), you had already impressed me by your positive demeanor. Gradually, and without me being aware of it or I guess partially aware of it (and that's the beauty, I guess), you stole me from myself. I knew deep down my heart that we had the potential to be very great friends for life. But then, I was hesitant. In fact, we both knew and yet we didn't share our feelings (you were a damn idiot, you know). I want you to know one thing, I'm a die-hard fan of your cute smile..can you keep laughing like that (of course whenever necessary). And I love it when you...well..you're special, very special dear...
Two years later...
Him: I don't know what's going on in your mind these days. You understand me. I do argue, sometimes, and end up saying something terse but then it's not my intention, cutie (I'm angry and I don't want to call you cutie). I've to work more these days and I don't mean to ignore you. Don't you see that? When you're out for work, have I ever said anything to you? And did you remember the last time we made...well, I don't want to discuss that. It has been around three months and you've been ignoring me (sort of). I mean, I don't want to exemplify by stating that you're 'ignoring me' but then career-related issues are separating us. Well, I don't want to use that 'separation' word, but then is it the same problem I'm guessing? You've changed, I mean we as human beings change, but your attitude towards me is changing drastically, I guess. The number of phone calls have reduced drastically. I mean you can at least ask did I have lunch? Ok, I understand these things may sound to cheesy after two years of being in a marriage. But then, is it only me who is suffering? I don't know. Maybe it's not just about very small things, I mean I'm talking in a broader sense. You know, we haven't sat for weeks together and had a rich conversation. Not about whether Linda and John are preparing to have a baby or your female colleague bought a dress or your mom is planning to visit our home next weekend or blah blah...our last vacation was 8 months before...you remember? Whenever I plan anything, you come up with some reasons of delaying it. OK. I don't want to say they're 'excuses' but where we're heading by all this, only God knows, or rather you know...
Her: You forgot my parent's wedding anniversary. Seriously, you're sometimes annoying, sometimes a little less, though. Anyway, at least you remember our wedding anniversary. Why have you been staying back in the office? And what about your promise to take me to a coffee shop every weekend? OK, I can make a better coffee at home but then I don't want to grow old, like typical housewives, you know. The passion is fading. You come so tired at home. Your work has become more important to you. I mean, it's damn important but what about me, rather what about 'us'? Last weekend, I had to visit the doctor and I thought you would cancel your meeting with your clients. But then, you didn't. Well, I know it was important. I cried that day. We haven't sat for dinner since four weeks. And I don't like you hanging out with your colleagues and boozing out often. I mean once in a while, it's OK. You should be responsible now. I mean you're responsible, you've been there always with me. You understand. You've changed. I fear this growing distance. And next week, you're leaving for Florida..for a month. We haven't been alone since we got married. Well, I don't know. Maybe we can talk about how to revive our love life, before things fade out completely...
OK. These are just few pages of the diary. What did you infer from what both the partners have to say? Well, without beating about the bush, the very first inference that I wish to convey on spicing up a relationship is; say, express and speak your mind. Don't you think if both the partners had shared their diaries long before, things would have been awesome for them. I mean sometimes, we ignore small things essential for healthy relationships and that amplifies to monumental levels. Nonetheless, things can be brought back to the original state. Yeah, they can be. You've just got to work on them.
A Walk to Remember
Monotony is an integral part of every relationship. Yeah, we all do pass through this phase that is a necessity to make us more aware about our relationship. So, when you think your relationship is getting nowhere, why not take a walk back down memory lane. Just revisit those precious moments when you both started dating. Weren't those the best days of your relationship? Go back to them. You'll experience a new wave of refreshment and energy. Seriously, it works. Just try it.
Survival of the Wittiest
Does it require any flowery word or a superb example to explain you the value of effective communication in relationships? If you both can talk on anything under the sun, be it golf or limousines or soccer or movies or poetry or fiction, well, you can eliminate half of the problems. So, the bottom line is to try to understand your partner. Develop a beautiful sense of humor amongst yourselves. If you can laugh and find humor together in difficult times, you can for sure, create an enriching life. You know what are her likes, dislikes. You know what makes her feel special and wanted. You know what are the finer dimensions of her personality. But just by knowing you can't do anything. Try to be different and creative. OK, I know, you'll say 'all has been done and tried man'. But then, that isn't possible. Every person is a treasure of life in himself/herself. And the person you're sharing your life with (or you're planning to do so) is not an exception to this rule. Isn't it fascinating to understand that you've an opportunity to share and understand a person so closely? Develop 'punchlines' and 'communication codes' that are special for you both. Talk about them. Keep creating something new. And this must be mutual.
Exist Explore Express Expand
Exist for your love. This means that exist when she requires you. If you're getting lost in the hum drum affairs of your life, and are forgetting that you've a relationship to sustain and blossom, then get back to work on it. Don't ignore it for long. Explore the finer dimensions of her personality. Express what you feel good about her. Anything from her cooking style or his efforts at work, all are some or the other ways to make him/her feel special. Try to expand your domain and range of thinking. You're in a relationship. Great! But then, there is a whole world out there to live. Why not start living it and sharing it with each other. Connect spiritually, not just emotionally and physically. When you connect spiritually, your both get tuned at the same frequency of thoughts and feelings. Then you don't need to speak always. Few glances and it will convey all! Once attained, this level of understanding opens the door for a beautiful journey of love. With every passing day, you grow with the person. And there you'll realize the beauty of growing with another soul. Aristotle captures love in this beautiful quote, amazingly, "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
Enhance Joie de Vivre
Often, we create lot of problems by too much of negative thinking. If you've understood that your basic premise on being in a relationship is to enjoy living life, then you'll automatically try to wipe out the existence of some issues that our monkey mind creates. Now, I'm not talking about genuine issues. Sometimes, we tend to think excessively and that creates problems. Share your life and celebrate small moments. Why not start celebrating small things in life. Bigger ones will eventually follow. Do you celebrate the day when you first met (Hopefully, either of you remember it). Or more romantically, your first kiss? (this surely must be remembered) Or she was trying to learn something new, or he did a fabulous job at work, why not celebrate that? Who says celebrations are only for great achievements? And in luxury suits and hotels? You can celebrate with a cup of coffee on your roof top. Why not? You are with her, you both are together, it's a beautiful evening, the dusk allures into romance, isn't it all celebration? You've to understand that eventually we're the creators of our own life. So, enjoy living it together by working on it.
Best Things Come in Small Packages
Take small breaks in months. Every fortnight, on weekends, you can set time 'for her' or 'for him'. Set an exclusive time for your partner. Let the world cease to exist for sometime. Say what you feel and how you're growing with the person. This is the time, when you can express yourself. Go for small romantic vacations. Go for long drives and spend some time. Small holidays (even for two days, minimum) are good to keep that momentum going on in relationships.
Discover Your Piece de Resistance
If bedroom issues are pressing you, then you can do nothing but to try out different methods to rekindle your spark. And to begin, why not talk to your partner. For piece de resistance that you eagerly wait from your partner, why not tell him/her about that. What turns you on? What makes you want her more? Have you shared your bedroom fantasies? You should share, because eventually, every process can turn out to be boring. Again choice is ours. We've to come up with ideas to create life. So share it. Love it. Live it!
Recharging a Boring Relationship
Focus on these steps to improve your relationship.
- Make your partner your priority. This doesn't mean stick to him/her all day long. Serious couples understand the notion of the word 'priority'.
- Be full of surprises (at least half, if not full, if you're really a very serious human being!). Take her on secret dates, leave early from office and surprise her, wash dishes for her at home, cook along with her, post things you admire about her and stick it near her make up box, mirror, kitchen, on her wardrobe or her car window shield. Yeah, being cheesy sometimes is essential!
- Play a truth or dare game. To make it more spicy, give a sexual theme to it. Precisely stated, play romantic games. Being a bit kinky helps. Remember, the spark has to be alive. Striptease, bondage games etc. all are there. Do I need to tell you more? Run your imagination wild and discover unique ways to make your romantic life better.
- Girls can often give flowers to men. Ok, rarely have men got flowers in their life until they're dead, so it's high time, women realize that it can be a very cute gesture.
- Visit a church together, or any religious place. Spend time together. Why not connect with your partner deeply. Eliminate all your negativity and pray for each other.
